BELLA

January 4,2023 I’m sitting in school joking with my friends but one question was asked for a good bit of the day. Where is CJ? We thought maybe he was checking in or just sick. No negative thoughts came to mind. Then during the end of our second period the principal asked to see us in the church sanctuary. We think “oh maybe we forgot to pick up trash after lunch”. We were all cutting up no big deal. The principal starts with the words “I don’t know how to really tell y’all this..” In that moment I knew something was wrong. My gut started turning and I just knew something wasn’t right. A teacher walked up to my friend group and began to hug us. And then the words that came out the principals mouth next were “ Cade Jeffers passed away on January 3rd in his own hands”. That’s the worse news I have ever gotten. My whole body sank to the ground and I couldn’t move. My best friend had killed himself. Why would he do that? I replayed the questions over and over in my head. “Could I have made a difference?” “Why didn’t he tell anyone he was hurting?” I began to blame myself for a while because naturally that’s what human instincts are. It began to make me seriously depressed because of the guilt I carried making it my fault because I should’ve known. I was also going through a toxic relationship at the time where I couldn’t express my feelings about loosing Cade or he wouldn’t talk to me. All of my emotions were just building up on my chest. I carried all that pain with me for a while. After me and the guy ended things I took a long look in the mirror at who I wanted to be. I could’ve sat there with my head down and just let the devil win. I didn’t though. I found God. I may have lost myself along the way but I found him. I started praying every night and asking for guidance on what to do. I felt lost. I am the type of person that needs to feel helpful and I like making differences in the world. I made tiktoks about cj and how if you need anything I’m always there to talk with you. Nobody came to me though. I tried putting something out there for people to know they aren’t alone. One day, I came across yall page on something. I started reading into yall but i didn’t know how serious this project was so I skipped. Until one day my mom comes home to talk to me about this project her office manager is apart of that I may like. She gave me some bracelets to wear and some pamphlets to give out. I did just that. I ran out and I just thought on how I could get involved too. I did some more research on y’all and found how I could become an ambassador. I instantly knew this is what I wanted to do. Spread that nobody’s alone. And I wish I would’ve been able to give my best friend these tools before it was too late. I miss him with everything in me. And I want to make a difference using his story. #LLCJ🪽🤍